Ahh, dating woes. Most of us have a few tales to share. It’s not easy to find the right person. We all want someone supportive, engaging, funny. That’s human nature.
Except it can be super difficult to find someone compatible. And as charming as I am, I ran into lots of difficulties. In other words, I ran into my fair share of fellas who just didn’t make the cut.
In other words, they were soon crossed off The List.
Most of us keep a mental list in our heads while dating. The list contains must-have personality attributes that either make or break a relationship. Communication. Empathy. Honesty. Reliability. These qualities in a significant other are necessary in order to move forward in a solid liaison.
Developing a lasting relationship takes time and patience. While many folks we run into are good souls, we still need to aim for true compatibility. Therefore, the old adage rings true… You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the handsome prince.
I had my fair share of frogs to date. Although, to be fair, some of them were mighty handsome. Which made the kissing that much more fun.
I met folks through Match.Com. With E-Harmony. Through friends. And colleagues.
Heck, I even met a couple the old-fashioned way: while drinking at a bar.
For the most part, I met decent, hard-working gentlemen. They were mannerly and well-behaved on the first date.
If things went well, we might have even made it to two dates. Except many times they simply never called me again. One could never tell why. They weren’t exactly forthcoming in their reasons to stop contacting me.
However, during those dates I subconsciously kept a mental list in my head of when I needed to simply cross that person off from any future dates.
Take – for example – the fella who called me on the telephone. He didn’t have much to say, and I felt compelled to enhance the conversation:
ME: “So, what do you do for a living?”
HIM: “I’m a truck driver.”
ME: (looking to enlarge on that topic) “What do you typically haul?”
HIM: “Plastic forks.”
ME: “Mmhmm…”
SILENCE
ME: “Um… what else?”
HIM: “Plastic spoons.”
MORE SILENCE…
ME: “Well, I gotta run now. My pasta water’s boiling over.”
Next…
Then there was the young fella who seemed like a nice prospect.
Good job. Friendly. Nice looking. Check, check and check.
HIM: “Did I tell you I live in a housing development called CheeseLand?”
ME: “I best be going now.”
Speaking of bars, I ran into a hottie who spoke to me about an “agreeance“ he recently entered into with his ex-wife.
Being a word nerd, I had to quickly put the brakes on that one.
But not before we did some serious making out. As I said, he was a hottie.
There was one stand-out gentleman who I dated for a few months. Until the one evening he insisted on nabbing the salt and pepper shakers from the restaurant table and shoving them into his suit pockets.
This all took place at an office holiday party.
In the grand ballroom of an expensive downtown hotel.
In front of my co-workers.
You get the picture.
I broke up with him the following day.
To be fair, he didn’t reciprocate when I handed him his birthday gift that evening (we actually shared the same birthdate). As a generous soul, he let me tip the coat-check person that evening.
And the parking valet too.
Happy Birthday to me.
A few months went by and he talked me into giving him another shot.
I was lonely. So I said Yes.
Until the day he told me the Chicago Park District was giving away free blue recycling bags. He ran over that morning to grab a bundle to keep at his home.
ME: “That’s nice that you’ve decided to separate and recycle your trash.”
HIM: “Actually, I ran home and switched jackets so I could run back to the park and grab another bundle of blue bags. Anyway, I’m not interested in recycling — I’m just gonna use ’em for my regular garbage.”
And BAM!
That darned list of mine just got longer.
Thank you for reading – PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST
PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST 